“Are you going to do it Mom?”
“I think so.”
“Are you nervous?”
“Yes, terrifed actually”
“Then why are you going to do it?”
“Because as nervous as I am, I know that if I don’t do it I will look back one day in the not too far away future and wish that I did. I will wonder what I had been thinking when I had said no.”
“That’s a good reason Mom.”
Good enough for me. Good enough because 13 years ago my husband asked me to be in one of his music videos and I said no, I let another woman take the part.
I said no because I had just had two babies in a row. I said no because I wasn’t back in my pre-baby shape. I said no because I thought I looked tired. I said no because I thought someone else would do it better than me. I said no because I didn’t understand that real, unshakeable confidence doesn’t come from a number on a scale, a reflection in a mirror, a false approval from strangers.
How many times has someone wanted to take a photo of you and your kids or you and your husband or (gasp!) you alone and you have expertly averted the situation and got yourself out of that photo op? We become pros, us women, at taking the spotlight off ourselves when we don’t feel how we think we should look.
I will be the first one to advocate taking care of your health and you in general – you look good you feel good right? Absolutely! But the confidence that comes with looking good on the outside when the inside is a complete contradiction is short lived, it’s surface level, it’s easily shook and it’s always fleeting.
As much as we begrudge the aging process because of the physical challenges it presents to us, it brings something we don’t have in our 20’s, for some of us even our 30’s.
It brings us the gift of experience. Experience brings knowledge. Knowledge brings power. And power is what brings unshakeable confidence.
The power to internally feel like you can walk into any situation with a “been there, done that, got the t-shirt” attitude. It’s not abrasive, it’s not boastful. It’s quiet, it’s humble, it’s an internal peace I spent years looking for.
At 43, I may have moments when I wish my skin looked younger and my body kept weight off with one trip to the gym like it did when I was 30, like it did the first time I said no to being in a video. Like it did the time I let someone else take “my” place.
At 43, I have found an inner confidence that I wish I could go back and shower my younger self with – from the inside out, not the outside in.
I wish I could tell her not to put so much value in what others say. Others will talk about you, others will come and go in your life, let them go – the ones worthy of you will stay.
I would tell her that no one is as hard on her as she is on her self. I would tell her that no one sees the flaws that she does. I would tell her that her husband doesn’t focus on the fact that she hasn’t lost all the baby weight, he is too focused on how well she is doing being a new Mother to their children.
Have you ever looked back on a photo and thought, “wow, I looked good back then?” Did you really feel that way about yourself at the time though? Or were you too busy picking apart your appearance?
How about if you looked at that same photo and thought, “wow, look what a great Mom/Wife/Daughter/Friend I was being in this photo”???
Do you remember when I posted over Fall break saying I had gone in the ocean with my kids more than I probably ever had? I had my photo taken with them IN MY SWIMSUIT! Because at 43, I realize that when they look back on these photos one day, it won’t be their Moms body they will picking apart, it will be the memory they will be reminded of.
When we let our insecurities run our lives we miss out on experiences we don’t get back. We miss out on making memories, we miss out on documenting those memories to have to look back on one day. We watch our lives from the sidelines.
When we lead with confidence as Mothers, Wives and Friends we give the people around us security too. How can we tell our children to reach for the stars when we aren’t sure we deserve them ourselves?
At one point during the video shoot, a guy on the crew (who was from Argentina) gave someone in our group a compliment that she didn’t accept (in his opinion 😉 and he said,
“in Argentina, if we ever hear a woman put herself down we immediately have to tell her she is wrong, it’s our job to build them up.” he followed with,
“it can make it hard to find a woman who thinks you are good enough because they are all so confident” haha…. he wasn’t kidding.
His statement reminded me of something I have watched since our daughter was born 8 years ago.
I’ve always said to my husband, “her expectation for a future man in her life is going to be completely unrealistic, she will never find anyone that treats her as well as you do.”
Although I’m pretty sure that may be part of his plan to keep her at home forever, I think he may be on to something. At 8 years old she has a confidence that I am often in awe of. There is nothing she thinks she cannot achieve, no obstacles she cannot overcome and Lord help anyone who tries to bring her down.
I think it’s unrealistic to think that at some point in her life her confidence won’t take a hit, I can only hope that it will be momentary.
When the day finally came to shoot the video of course I was nervous. For real though, it lasted about an hour, it lasted until my husband showed up. And it wasn’t just because he told me I looked good (although that was an added bonus).
The nervousness was extinguished by the confidence, internal confidence I had within me that no one else could take my place, no one else belonged there more than I did. I knew there was no one else he would rather have there so why not act like it?
The things that give me confidence may not be the same things that do for you. I may hold value in things that you may not and vice versa.
What I know today though is that I only listen to the opinions of people I care about – and I mean REALLY care about.
I do the best I can to take care of myself and exercise so I can be healthy and strong. For ME, exercise gives me a mental & physical confidence that’s hard to explain. It keeps me feeling in control, stable, powerful.
I try to be the same (no wait…better) woman that my husband married 17 years ago. Being confident isn’t always about doing things for yourself, sometimes it’s in knowing what you can do for someone else.
When your husband gives you a compliment, say thank you.
When your kids have a momentous experience, get in the photo with them.
When your kids ask you to get in the water, swim.
And when their Dad asks you to be in his music video, say yes.
Amen! Such true words you have written and truly words that most women can relate too in one fashion or another. I am learning to be in the moment finally @ 47 – what a challenge. I am overweight and have always told people to “shoot the pic” with only my head in the picture. Darn it I missed out on some moments in life because of my fears. Having an amazing daughter and two granddaughters ( 6 years old and 5 months old ) that take my breath away because I love them so much has helped me focus. For me, it’s not just what I see, but what they see. I am working hard at finding ways to improve my overall health. I have hidden and made excuses at times, and I never want them to think that’s ok. Thank you for reminding me to keep moving forward- one day I won’t doubt my confidence like I do now. ❤️ Xo to you Mrs. Jennifer Reid
Beautifully written Jennifer. Real, heartwarming and mostly encouraging. Brought a tear and a smile as your words touched my heart, my sense of self and sharing of that with others. Most encouraging. Thank you for sharing your story. ❤️
Jennifer..during my day..first dropping off laundry..had conversation with the lady who manages the laundromat..it was about self confidence..then I run into pet food store..well again , we talk about self confidence
I lack it on a very high scale..and ever since my husband left me 7 yrs ago, after 27 yrs of being married..now this has brought my self confidence, down even more
Now if I had to.live life over again..the little things don’t matter…love yourself.
It’s like the saying goes…when you look back on your life, it’s better to say I can’t believe I did that, rather than looking back and saying I wish I did that. I had wondered why you weren’t in any of your hubby’s videos, and now I know. Everything you wrote here is so true – I’m 56 years old, and there is a lot I would tell my younger. Many of the things you stated are absolutely the truth, for a lot of women. I’m so glad that my daughter, at 28 years of age, is more fearless than I ever was, and doesn’t worry about what people think. My younger self could have learned from her! So glad that you decided to do the video – looking forward to seeing it. Take care.
Amen sista! Beautiful post. What a great way to start the day with such uplifting words. I cannot wait to see the video. Thank you for being in the video. You are the heart of a woman and the only one that could fill the part in the video. ♥️
OMG I loved this blog !!! I am sure your words have touch a lot of hearts in women. In one month I turn 59 it has been the only year that I have struggled being .. reading your words made me look in the mirror and say WOW you are going to be 59 with pride !!! You are a beautiful soul and I love the love that you and Johnny show to each other.. it’s funny that I am writing to you about this as the night before I turn 59 I get to see your husband in concert !!! Thank you for your blog as I’m sure it has opened a lot of ladies minds as how they see themselves.. ??
Oh Jen! You are so powerful! Your blog is from the heart and at 56, I can relate to every word. I missed a beach day 32 years ago with my husband and baby because…..!!! Now nothing stops me. I love my morning coffee with your IG. Top of my bucket list is coffee with Jennifer Reid in Nashville or Toronto one day! Love you!
I usually never comment on posts but I had to on this one. Your sentiments are exactly how I feel at 44. Of course, I need to continually remind myself but how empowering. So beautifully written!
Absolutely beautiful post .. I am on my break at work with tears streaming down … you nailed it here Sweetie … as I said before I’ve been a huge fan of Johnny for sometime now but you my dear have made me a bigger fan of you ! You are amazing.. I am absolutely sure that you both are showing Ava to settle for nothing less than her Father and the love that you both have together!
I can’t wait to see this video .. it will be EPIC and it will be REAL !
I think I’ve become as big a fan of yours as of Johnny. I love your honesty and real feelings expressed about all things being a woman. I also think the sexiest thing about your husband is the way he looks at you and only has eyes for you!! It’s nice to know you feel lucky and know you are with all your blessings.
I am sure it will be an amazing video I saw your posts from Mexico and they were fabulous unfortunately we all age but staying healthy and exercising and being happy Will always keep us feeling younger I said it before thankyou for sharing a part of your life I enjoy it and you and Johnny crack me up
I’m so happy to know that you will FINALLY have a staring role in one of Johnny’s videos! In my opinion; there is no other woman who could ever star in this video. It will be a beautiful video, because the two of you will be in it together…
I have loved getting to know you better through reading your blogs, and watching your insta-stories. Thank you for sharing your personal life with all of us.
Congrats on the video! Your blog really hit home with me. I’m 51 this year,have a beautiful granddaughter, two wonder children and devoted husband of 31 years and realize that if I’m not happy with myself by now when will I be? I am going to love every gray hair that pops up, (then go to salon, lol) wrinkle on my face that appears and stretch mark from having my own children. These are the souvenirs of a life full of love and laughter!
Congrats on the video.i am a big fan of Johnny and following you on Instagram and this blog have made me just as big a fan of you.I love reading everything you write.this is absolutely so touching and I’m sure a lot of women can see those things in themselves,I’m sure I can .i never wanted to have pics ,always made sure I had them at special moments but since I became a grandma I’m in every picture I can be.You are such a strong beautiful woman. Johnny is so lucky to have you as a wife and your kids have the most wonderful mom .cant wait to see the video.
I applaud you. You give so many women encouragement and the drive to believe in and yes, even like themselves. So many get so discouraged and downhearted…..reading your blogs….allowing outsiders to share your everyday life and the exciting times, is a wonderful pick me up! God Bless! I’m anxiously awaiting the video!
Loved this blog! I just met you in Mexico!! What an honour , I was so excited! Your honesty in this blog was so refreshing to read! I am 57, 6 children and the most wonderful husband for almost 37 years. I have been there in almost everything you wrote in this blog. My husband has taught me to love life, have fun with the kids when they were little, and to so enjoy every moment. I came from a family that took so many pictures , and that was s big part of what we did with our kids, we were always taking pics and always in them. So very thankful now to look back on all those precious memories. Now we get to do it all over again with our 5 grand babies. So glad you said yes to the video! Was hoping to watch the making of it , but didn’t catch any of it. Thank you for letting me get a photo with you! Was a very exciting time for me! Someone at the concert that saw us get our picture came up to me and said thAt we could pass for sisters! Lol ,,, I’ll take that,, loved this blog, love your insta stories, as I have my coffee every morning , I feel like I’m visiting with you! What I wouldn’t do to enjoy a real visit with you some day! Keep up what you are doing ! You are amazing!
Such a truthful blog. I enjoyed meeting you on the Katamaran. At 59 I’m now able to enjoy stepping out and doing things out of my comfort zone. Years back I never would have introduce myself to you or, God forbid DANCE TO THE PEACOCK on stage with your husband!!! I almost let myself cringe when my husband showed me the video…then I looked again, and I saw a different picture. I saw a myself having a blast! LIVE AND LET LIVE! We only get one shot at it! xo
I just watched the video and read the blog post about saying yes. I am so glad that you said yes because you saying yes made that the most touching videos I have ever seen for one of his songs. Thank you for saying yes. I love your honesty in your blog. To me there is nothing more powerful than honesty. It raises people up to be the best that they can be. I could ramble on for hours on this post because it’s so important to be happy with yourself for who you are at any given moment. Thank you again for everything that you share with us. XOXOX
Jen, I met you when Johnny was filming his video at the Old Triangle in Sydney! The first thing I noticed about you was not what you were wearing, not how beautiful you were (but you sure are :)) but it was how open and friendly you were to me. I love your blog, especially this one. I am 66 years old and it never really bothered me to or kept me from doing what I wanted to do. You are so right to tell us to “seize the day” and not let ourselves turn down an opportunity because we feel that we don’t look good or feel that we don’t deserve it! As I write this comment after reading your blog, I realize that today is your birthday. I wish you the best of days shared with your wonderful loving husband and children. You are beautiful both inside and out! Take lots of pictures as they are the memories that you will all share in the future. Keep up the wonderful writing as you are indeed changing lives with it!
Wow, thank you so very much. Your thoughts are right on, women are so very hard on ourselves and each other. I will be in the moment, I will be in the photo, I will be in the memory. Thanks again!
What wonderful insights and what a blessing to everyone who reads them. We DO change over the years, but that is a good thing. We should not be the same person we were 17 years ago –
or 40 years ago! If we are, we have gone terribly wrong somewhere along the way. Bless you for stepping back into your God given journey and life. It is your life: no one else can live it. If you don’t, everyone in your life will miss what you have to give.