In 2015, the anti-aging skin care market generated over 2 Billion dollars in sales in the U.S alone. Does anyone know when it became so offensive to society to age? Why is it that men are considered to be more distinguished looking while women just turn into trolls? More importantly, why do WE as WOMEN seem to be the ones who do all the condemning? We are the judge and jury of our own gender, we are hard on others – we are harder on ourselves.
(photo: LifeCell South Beach Skin care)
A short while ago, a picture for my blog was posted on social media. I released it as a type of promotion I guess, a heads up to the blog I was working on. I didn’t release it for feedback on my appearance, but feedback I sure did get – most of it was positive but a lot was not (and that was after some SERIOUS retouching for heavens sake!)
So many comments about my age, my face, my wrinkles, my plastic surgery, my botox, my fillers, my fat-ness, my thin-ness, the recent “re-designing” of my face (whaaaat??? I promise there has been no such re-designing). Guess who ALL the comments were from? WOMEN…. Mothers, Grandmothers, Sisters, Daughters…. so much criticism. What did they want me to do? Apologize for aging? Well here’s the funny thing about life, as hard as I try (and believe me I do) not to age – I do. It just keeps happening. I can compare myself to others, I can try every product and technique out there, I can make myself crazy with trying to look like the girl in the magazine – there will always be a company or person or MYSELF telling me I could look better.
What a weight we bear as women, never good enough – try harder. Try this product, maybe it can help you.
Every other commercial is full of the latest and greatest way to lose those wrinkles. Translation – you really look terrible with all those wrinkles. We are made to look at those wrinkles like looking at the glass half empty. What if we could change our thinking and look at the wrinkle glass as half full? What if the more wrinkles you had meant the more life you had lived? REALLY lived? Like badges on your face for every laugh, tear and emotion you had ever experienced. Congratulations, you win – you lived a life full of feelings.
I write this for myself as much as I write this for you, I am forever trying to turn back the clock on my face. As I was writing this something occurred to me… what if I’m not just trying to turn back the clock on my face? What if I’m trying to turn back the clock on life? What if every time I see a new wrinkle it really is just reminding me of that hourglass of youth? I don’t want this for my daughter. I don’t want her to feel the pressure of it all.
I want us to be nicer to one another, build each other up rather than tear each other down. Are the same women who made comments about me aging being that hard on their own daughters? Teenagers are getting cosmetic surgery, fillers in their lips – I can’t help but think what they will look like when they hit 40? What will all that have done to the shell of their face? Yes – I am a firm believer that when you look good you feel good but when is it too much? It’s a slippery slope we jump on when we begin the process of trying to turn back the clock. As much as we fight it, we will all age eventually. That is if we are given the gift of time, to age – and that it is, a gift.
(My Mom holding my daughter at 5 months old… holding the hand of her Great-Nana on her hospital bed. My Nana had waited 5 great-grandsons to have a great-grandaughter. This was the first and only day they met, she passed away the following week. Her hands were aged, my daughters brand new – I like to think she was transferring all the wisdom of those hands into Ava’s)
How do we age gracefully? We do the best we can, we put as much importance on it as is important to us – not the rest of society. Aging gracefully DOES NOT mean trying to look younger. It means holding our heads high, our confidence radiating (because you know you have more now than you did when you were 20), being comfortable in our own skin, our makeup (or not) applied how it makes us feel good, our hair done the way it gives US a kick in our step. You want to get botox? then get it. Your lips done? then do it. Your boobs done? You go girl. Whatever you do just make sure you’re doing it for you, no one else. Aging gracefully will mean something different to each person, please don’t let it consume you – what others think of you that is. Stop looking at the girl in the magazine, she probably doesn’t look like that in real life either.
Jennifer do not let people’s negative comments mean anything to you. You are beautiful inside and out. Everyone ages and the negative people are jealous of the amazing woman you are.
Congratulations Jennifer!!
I look forward to visiting here often!!
I will be celebrating my 50th yes 50 birthday in November and as I look back on my life and what I have and have not accomplished, being a stay at home mom of my two beautiful daughters Victoria (24) and Brooke (20) is one of my greatest accomplishments, you are so right we are our worst enemy. I have always tried to encourage my daughters to have confidence, be strong independent women and that age is only a number we are going to age no matter what we do, so embrace life and live the best possible life they can everyday!
Patty Parmentier
Hi Jen. Thank you for your words of inspiration. I follow you on Instagram and Facebook. I also am a Tartan Army member.
As I was reading your words, I almost started to cry. I am 66 years old and still trying to find the right face creams. I do not like aging at all. Women are so hard on women. I am sad to hear that women said negative things about your appearance. How rude of them.
I will keep reading ‘A woman like you’ you are an inspiration to all of us women. You are a beautiful woman inside and out. Thank you for doing this for us women. God bless you.
I believe true beauty is on the inside , not the outside, but you are right, everyone is so used to seeing edited images of women on social media, Facebook, blogs, TV etc. Then everyone thinks we have to look like the people that get all the attention. Its like a our brains are being hypnotized that we should all portray that perfect image. We were given our bodies to do what ever we want with them, but to take care of them, that surely cant be by making us look like a totally different person? Jen you are beautiful and so is your daughter, I challenge you though to post pictures or your true beauty, without makeup, and name brand names all over your blog. Be you…. promote natural beauty, not things that everyday day Women like me can’t have. xox
I think society puts way too much pressure on women to look “perfect”…the perfect hair, face, figure, boobs & the list goes on!!! If someone likes the way they look, then that is frigging awesome…they should have the confidence to not care what others think!! I’m not skinny by no means, not what the “entertainment” industry calls pretty, but I’m happy with the way I look. I have wrinkles…so what?? I have grey hair..so what ( I do dye it, but that’s for me & no one else)!! If society thinks I’m not pretty enough or good enough, then that’s their problem, NOT MINE!!!! Everyone should be comfortable in their own skin…no one should be insulting to people who are overweight, have wrinkles, small boobs, etc. Why airbrush someone on the cover of a magazine? This is only giving young girls the perception that they’re not good enough…that they have to look like the women on the cover of the magazines to be considered pretty or beautiful! BUT, beauty comes from within…I just wish that people would start to realize this!!! The airbrushing SHOULD STOP!!!! We should all be kind to one another & maybe then there would be less hurting in the world. Maybe one day this will be a reality & the younger generation won’t have to go through what we do!!! But men can have grey hair, a beer belly, wrinkles & nothing is said…He’s distinguished! But a women who has this is considered OLD…it’s a double standard that NEEDS to STOP!!!!
So happy the blog is up and running!! This is a great first entry. We can all relate to this, we have all looked in the mirror and wondered how can I turn back the clock, but this year I turned 50 and I’m proud of every wrinkle, every blemish. It tells my story and brings back some wonderful memories. Enjoy the age that you and live it to the fullest.
In my late 30’s I developed Bells Palsy on the right side of my face…exactly 1/2 of my face did not move. It was like someone drew a line straight down my forehead to my chin and what was on the left side worked and what was on the right side didn’t work. I was working with the public at that time as a cashier. This happened to me about a week before halloween and I was back to work roughly the end of November… I should explain tho that when I went back to work, there was little improvement in my face. I was not able to get any movement on the right side if my face until by mid to late January and then that was only a very slight movement. I only had 1 or 2 negative comments regarding my face, but I didnt let those bother me. Fast foward to approx 2 years ago, I got tired of dying my hair every 3 weeks… (my hair grows really fast) and I have a very sensitive scalp. So, I stopped dying my hair. I am 41 years old and have had grey streaked hair for almost 2 years. There have been a few ppl look and giggle or snicker my way, but the way I honestly feel about it is…If I can go work dealing with the general public as a cashier with a face that dont half work (my face has revovered 95% or so, but I do still have some issues related to Bells Palsy that I will probably have until the day the good lord calls me home) having grey hair is nothing!!! It could always be a lot worst than grey hair…at least I have enough hair to turn grey and if ever the time comes that I don’t have enough left to turn grey, I will be sportin a nice bald head!!! I personally have too much other things going on in my life to worry about laugh lines, crows feet and grey hairs!! I am just glad to have lived this long, grey hairs and all!!!
Well said & thank you– from a 46 year old. We are all trying to be our best selves and that doesn’t mean I can or want to look 20. Not going to happen– I have a 21 year old daughter 🙂 I enjoyed you post. I think that being unkind probably causes wrinkles– probably on your neck. Just sayin’
I so love that you picked this topic to start with. I for one do not try to “hide” my age with anything. I feel at the age of 50 I have earned all of my wrinkles along with the few grey hairs that I have. While I would like to be just a wee bit thinner “like the good ole days” I have accepted that if that is meant to be it will be. Bravo for you to want your daughter to not have to feel judged by others or herself. I really believe that if you lift each other up instead of tearing down you will also lift yourself up and will stop judging yourself. I do not like to comment on how people look but rather how they are. And you are a kind and caring woman with a tender and loving soul.
Thank you for being you.
Jennifer. Anyone that made any negative comments just has to be jealousy. You are a beautiful lady inside and out. I enjoy your comments about your family and all your comments, they tell a lot about yourself inside and outside. It makes us all think a bit more highly of ourself and how lucky we all are. Thankyou!!! Love the new blog!!
Hi Jennifer:
I enjoyed your blog, would agree with all your points.
I am 58 year old mother of 2 , married to my husband for 38 years. I have struggled with body image off and on over the years. When I turned 50, I made some changes in my lifestyle that has brought me to a place where I have never looked or felt better. The best part I think is I have shown my daughters that it is never to late and that only you have the power to control how you look.
Donna
Amen sister! I totally agree -do whatever makes you feelgood about yourself but do it for you-as a mother of a daughter I agree 100% with what you said and love the pics that accompany this article. ! Brava JR!
Jenn, Love your blog “a woman like you” can’t wait for more! Keep up the good work! Thanks for always being so inspirational & funny! Congratulations & Happy 1st day!
I feel that too much importance on how we look is transmitted to young women. Teenagers are full of anxiety! I work in a school in an affluent neighbourhhod and literally 9 out of 10 calls from parents in the first month had the parents mentioning that their child had anxiety! The girls are continually feeling pressured to look and be perfect! At everything! Sports is not just a game, now it is a comment on how successful you are! They wouldn’t even think about showing up at school without their hair dyed, higlighted and styled exactly right. Swim class is a nightmare! It is difficult to say how much social media plays a role in this. Is it because with a more abundant audience and being able to comment without it being face to face that we have become more critical and less accepting of what really matters? At the end of the day we should be respectful and compassionate towards those we meet and interract with. Ruining someone’s day by a thoughtless comment is just bullying and not necessary…. so stop and think first!
Jenn..absolutely loved reading ur post about Aging gracefully’..I dont know why people critisize others about their wrinkles ..obviously some of them haven’t looked in the mirror lately. I have stressed out many times about wrinkles but have come to believe that they are what they are & if God wants us to have them as a sign of a hard worker or a life well lived, or just because they come naturally then thats ok too.. I think the more we stress about wrinkles the more we get , lol..or maybe thats just me. I am 53 yrs. old & have never once thought about getting any kind of surgery etc. to look better & I have never spent a fortune on any products for wrinkles.When I tell people I’ve had an addiction problem (alcohol) for many yrs. they dont believe me..they say I havent aged..so even tho I know myself I have.. I feel good knowing others dont think so. I have been using home remedies for abound 10 yrs now for my facial masks. etc. I love biking..walking & doin a 15-20 min workout every day..I believe we are only as old as we feel. & my oldest child is 31 but I still don’t feel like I’m over the hill.as some people say at 50…sorry for rattling on..thanx again Jenn for ur new blog..& btw I’ve seen u in person & u don’t look a day over 30.. your inner beauty always shines thru… p.s. I have 10 mnths. of sobriety now..one day at a time 🙂
Wonderful article and so true. Inspiring
Hi there! Glad to see your blog is up and running. Good luck.
A very insightful writing! I am a woman in my 50’s who wears no makeup and moisturizes only when I think of it (I must admit it is more frequent now as I am older,but I do it for me). I look at woman and see beauty and I see aging, with and without the enhancement of make up or surgery. These, as you state are personal choices. Natural aging is something as woman,we need to embrace and be proud of.
Gosh, I couldn’t believe that other woman were criticizing your looks. We as woman should count on one another for support, encouragement and advice. There is enough negativity in the world. We don’t need any more!
I love the picture of Ava holding hands with her great grandma. What a special moment.
I agree with everything you have said about aging gracefully. We should all look at aging as a blessing that many have not had the privilege of. Let us all as woman be cheerleaders to one another. Negativity has no place here 🙂
My two daughters are very different. My oldest doesn’t wear a lick of makeup 99% of the year and the other can’t be seen without it. My oldest is gonna be 30 years old this year and my youngest just turned 17. I blame it on magazines and social media…..all about the selfie.
Great article Jennifer….
Both of my daughters carry themselves with confidence and are beautiful….one is just more colour on her face.
I love, love, love this blog. Thank you so much for writing this. As a mom of two daughters, I feel your struggle. I don’t want my girls to feel insecure based on what others say about them. I want them to feel beautiful through their own self-confidence. You are truly a genuine woman Jennifer. I cannot believe anyone would have anything negative to say about you, but to those that do, they do not know the meaning of inner beauty.
Jen when you first nmentioned the blog my first thought was Great! now we will discover what her skin care routine is! I currently use No.7 but always looking!
I love this. So brilliantly put Jennifer! Thank you for this blog, so often times I find women judge other women so easily and so unfairly. If women really knew what was under that face of perfect hair and perfect make up, perhaps they would reconsider their judgement. We as women hold so much together and inside feel like they are winging it all just to hold it together to make sure lunches are made, kids are where they need to be in clean clothes and a happy heart! If those false eyelashes or freshly colored hair makes them look better so they can feel better, it all just adds up to making the world a better place. If women take care of themselves first (just like the flight attendant says), then they are in a better place to help everyone else (which is what we do ALL DAY LONG!!) We all need to be nicer to not only everyone else, but be nicer to ourselves!!!! If your best friend talked to you the way we talk to ourselves, you likely would chose other friends. Again, thank Jennifer, you are inspiring for sure 🙂